


Pick A Side, Andor

by zebracakes



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Love, Rogue One Spoilers, Self-Sacrifice, Tearjerker, i'm here to make y'all fucking sad!, idk how to use semicolons, pretty compliant, real sad, why is tagging so fuckig difficult??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 11:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9656072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebracakes/pseuds/zebracakes
Summary: You tried to see his side of this; his reason for going to Scarif but you couldn’t. You decide to give Cassian an ultimatum: if he takes the team of rebels to Scarif, you won’t be by his side.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the song “Whose Side Are You On feat. Ruelle” by Tommee Profitt. I suggest you listen to his entire album entitled Cinematic Songs, Vol. 1 while reading this. “Whose Side...”, “Solider”, and “Hurts Like Hell” should be moved up on the queue if you are listening on Spotify. I have to admit, this fic is fucking sad. I cried solid tears while writing and editing this. Had to pause from writing to take a bath in my own tears.

You will never forgot the day your eyes caught the sight of Captain Cassian Andor.

How one spark ignited such a fire in each others’ hearts. You felt like, for once, the galaxy let you have one good thing.

One amazing thing.

But you were aware of the consequences of dating the captain. There would be times where you wouldn’t see him for a few days or weeks. Cassian lived and breathed for the Rebellion’s cause and you supported him no matter what. He had done the same for you, defending your moral choices on missions and loving the way you have become a better pilot than him. You would sneak kisses behind his U-Wing, hoping K-2 wouldn’t find you two. Though Cassian was hesitant about being affectionate in front of others, he learned that some actions like holding hands wasn’t all that bad. In fact, as the relationship became more serious, the two of you weren’t afraid to have everyone know.

The dynamic duo, some of the people on base called you.

Those had been simpler times.

The moment Cassian confessed about killing an innocent spy on the Ring of Kafrene brought a heavy weight on your chest.

The Rebellion had taken an even stronger hold of him.

You tried to console your boyfriend but Cassian knew he was guilty. It was either him or the spy who was going to die that day. Both of you didn’t get much sleep that night.

The first of the mission to retrieve information about Saw Gerrera had been lead by none other than Cassian. Before he left, he promised he would come back to you and he kept his promise.

But he came back a changed man.

Jedha had been exploded out of existence which terrified you but found comfort that people got away from the destruction. What came next was a coded message from Cassian’s ship stating the crew was headed to Eadu. You waited anxiously for any details regarding the mission. When General Draven called to squadron up to Eadu, you were the first one in your X-wing.

Fighting never got easier but you learned to reason yourself that this was for the greater good; in the best interest of the galaxy. As you pulled up into the Imperial planet, you calmed your nerves by telling yourself you were saving people’s lives; saving Cassian’s. You took out the research facility’s main weapon which made you celebrate for a few seconds before returning back to helping your fellow rebels. Once the mission was complete, you returned knowing he will come back to you.

But he came back a changed man.

During the council meeting, the idea of going to Scarif to retrieve the Death Star plans were being decided upon. You would’ve loved to have stayed but you had to find Cassian and check up on him. For such a busy base, you could spot Cassian easily through the crowd.

That’s when you see him with some of your fellow Alliance members.

His eyes were intense, like he had a plan up his sleeve but couldn’t tell many. You observe him as he begins to recruit more rebels into his small band of people.

No, you thought. Cassian better not be thinking what you thought he’s thinking about doing.

No, he can’t be. Has he not endured enough? You take that as your cue to confront him before Cassian seals whatever bullshit plan he has in mind.

When you get closer, some of the recruits start to shift awkwardly as your stride strikes fear into them. They could see the intensity in your eyes and sense the oncoming storm. Cassian feels your presence and turns his back around to face you. He gives you a fake smile as leans in to kiss you.

“Hel-” You move your head to one side to avoid his kiss. You cross your arms across your chest and widen your stance.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” you say in a low growl. The other recruits start to walk away to give you two some space.

Cassian doesn’t begin to argue because he knows he has just been caught doing something you know you disapprove.

“Are you...are you really thinking of going to Scarif by yourselves without means of backup?” Your face distorts in disgust as you try to wrap your head around the stupid idea.

“If no one else wants to fight, why not? Y/N, we need to do this. For the sake of the Alliance.” Cassian tries to plead his case but you just purse your lips together.

“Is the cause much greater than your life?” You shake your head, dropping your arms to your side, and softening your face.

Fighting for the greater good has always ran through Cassian’s blood. His father died protesting Republic militarism when he was young. After his father’s death, he joined an insurrectionist cell where he learned to take down Republic forces. That drove his motivation even more to do what felt right. Then Cassian was recruited into the Alliance and he has never stopped since.

Not then, not now.

“Y/N...I can’t stop now. Not when we’re so close.” He’s closer now, cupping your cheek with his calloused hands. You shake gently as tears roll down your face.

“Cassian, please don’t do this. You’ve risked your life too many times. We will find a way to get those plans. We have to put our trust in the council.” Your voice is confident towards the end. You keep your weary eyes fixated on Cassian.

“The council doesn’t know what’s right. We can’t just wait around until the Empire strikes us first. The time to act is now.” Like you, a new revived vigor sparks in Cassian. You look at him in awe.

“And what are you going on, Cass? Hmm? Hope?” You bring your arms back to your chest. Cassian runs a hand down his mouth, clearly not enjoying where the discussion is going.

“Really? Hope? As much as I believe in the Force and hope, it’s not a good enough reason for taking these recruits into a suicide mission.” You extend your arm to point at the small group who congregated to the side. Cassian takes a peep at the group and closes his eyes.

“Is this what it’s come to? Cassian, I can’t let you do this.” Your eyes begin to water again and you tilt your head back to stop them from dropping.

“I don’t want someone that I love to die again,” you stare at him with your tear-filled eyes. Cassian lets a few of his own fall down his cheek.

“But I have to do this. We have to do this. Going to Scarif is the right thing to do.” He tries to crack a half smile but your face remains deadpanned. You look away, thinking of something to say to him. Anything for him to reconsider the decision. What about his future? What about the future between the two of you? Even if these people were willing to go out and risk their lives, couldn’t they just wait until a better alternative is made? One where the Alliance is by their side? Every question would invoke an awakening to the senses to many.

Not for Cassian.

He is a changed man.

You finally pinpoint his behavior change: Cassian has the chance to take control of his own life and make his own decisions without the Alliance telling him what to do. Even if that meant choosing how he will die.

“Then I’m done trying to convince you because I’m not getting through to you. If the Alliance is more important to you, do what you think is right but know I won’t be right besides you. Pick a side, Andor.” You plant yourself firmly on the ground. Using “Andor” instead of Cassian or Cass always indicated when you were incredibly serious. You try to look as intimidating as possible but you know Cassian won’t buy the stunt. With one hand, he places his thumb under your chin. Slowly, Cassian catches your lips into a soft kiss. You give in as he deepens the kiss, you placing your hands on his chest. His hand winds up on your jaw once he withdraws his lips from yours. Cassian nuzzles his forehead on yours.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He whispers to you. Your whole body seems to become numb by Cassian’s words. Your knees buckle which causes you to fall on your knees. Closing your eyes, you allow the sobbing to take over. Commotion happens behind you but you tune the noise out. When you pick yourself off the floor, you catch a glimpse at the squadron of rebels embarking on a dangerous suicide mission to Scarif. You don’t look at them for too long before you feel another wave of tears coming. With your last glance being the backside of Cassian, you walk in the opposite direction.

* * *

 

“Rogue One, may the Force be with you.” Admiral Raddus’ voice is filled with sympathy.

You clutch your hands tightly into a fist. You slip away from the command center where you had been stationed and find a quiet place. The walls of the ship did nothing to comfort you but you tried.

You tried.

Your shaking begins to be uncontrollably as you slide down to the ground. You cover your mouth even though no audible sounds come out.

This could have been avoided if only he had listened.

Cassian would be in your arms if he had listened to you.

_For he too loved the Alliance as much as he loved you_.

As you catch your breath, you feel a warm hand on your shoulder. You follow the hand up to its owner.

“Princess...Leia,” you manage to hiccup. She smiles and decides to sit down next to you. You sniffle as much as possible in order for Leia to better understand what you’re saying.

“You don’t have to be on the floor with me,” you shake your head but are met with a determined look and Leia’s hand entwined with yours.

“Who did you lose?” You’re caught off guard by the question. You couldn't escape the awful reality you are living in. With your head down low, you remember Cassian.

“My...um...boyfriend.” Another tear strikes your cheek. You close your eyes and try to breathe normally.

“What was his name?” Leia asks, still holding onto your hand.

“Cassian. Cassian Andor.” You finally face Leia, who comforts you with her soft expression.

“I remember him.” She chirps in with a smirk which makes your eyes widen.

“You met him before?”

“Yes. He had accompanied Mon and General Draven as they met with my father, Bail Organa, on Alderaan. A quiet fellow but charming and thoughtful.” Leia gives you a nod. You feel like breaking down again by her small description of Cassian. You move your face away to gather yourself.

“Thank you,” you let out the first smile of that week. Leia extends her hands to you and she pulls you into a hug. You practically fall into her arms,allowing yourself to cry again. You desperately needed to be held.

“Cassian was brave. He did what was deemed impossible. What Rogue One did was give us the hope we needed.” Leia tells you quietly in your ear. You close your eyes tightly, digesting her words. You can’t help but feel a pit in your stomach that your last words to Cassian were bitter in nature. You cared so much for his own safety that you couldn’t see the fact that he was willing to give up his own life to save thousands, millions; to save the entire galaxy.

The Alliance meant a lot to Captain Cassian Andor but you meant all the stars in the galaxy combined.

He not only went to Scarif to help the Alliance but he also went for you, no matter how much you had protested. You had done the same back on Eadu, risking your life to save his. He willingly gave up his life in order for you to have a future, just like you would do the same for him.

_For Cassian loved you as much as you loved him; until his last dying breath_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this!! Please consider leaving comments and giving this fic some kudos. I really appreciate y'all!!


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